Me and Mr. Jones - by Thomasina Kundalini

Me and Mr. Jones            9.15.00

[I'm not happy with any of my pens. There…a pen from Molly.]

Oh, my life, the soap opera. It really could be a movie.
Never been so cautious of putting down the truth.
I am afraid of the truth.
What is it?
The truth:
    That Prince is not the man I'd hoped he'd be.
    He intentionally denies my brilliance while the others watch.
    That the one man I thought I'd end up with was married at the time…
    and I've been made a fool.
    That the last man I was with won't acknowledge I exist.

That leaves Me...and you, Mr. Jones.

Truth is - you weren't ever part of the construct.
Truth is - I have intentionally pushed you away because I find myself gushing here.
    Why would I want you to know of the pangs in my chest when I read your words… words of a     kamikaze heart?
    Why would you want to know that I ache when I see your love penned for another?
    Why would I want you to know of the knot in my stomach, to think I will become like them - another name that has passed through your pages?
    How could I ever be that when I want to be in your arms now, and I don't want now to end? (I just gave myself away.)

Truth is - I'm consumed with thoughts of you.
    I really am, insatiable. So I push you away fearing it will not be returned.
Truth is - Sometimes I feel things that make me cry.
    Why would you want that? You surely don't need it.
    You have never seen my rivers.
Truth is - I am so deep, and I want you to come swim as I dive into you.
Truth is - I've said I love you a hundred times in my mind
    and only now am I pushing out the words.

Truth is - I'm scared as hell.