PEARLS - Discourse with the other woman.

Because things like this happen all too often, i am posting these writings in hopes that someone will heed their valuable message, and not find themselves in a similar situation. Infidelity has grave consequences, no matter how you see it.

Mystic I am 10/21/99

It was her thoughts that found me

Not his, as he denied.

Though I tried to close them out

My mind and guts were tied.

I was thinking they were his

As a matter of deduction

Having forgotten about women

Who will feast upon seduction.

Simply seeing my love in her arms

Did bring my blood to boil

As we have made a promise

unto ourselves be loyal.

Yet here these visions did appear

as I thought there was no way

He would give his love to any other

And then himself betray

Still…

I saw that which was longed for

And it was not me he kissed.

My faith began to falter

As the thinker I had missed.

It was she, it was she

Transmitting thoughts, and me

Not recalling my perception

Could another person’s be.

I prayed…

There were questions, there was rage

There were things I dare not say

But to have him there upon her floor

Was the vision she had raised.

Without understanding reason

I saw heat, the want – desire

I even saw the mirrored wall

Where the scheme she had conspired.

Rid the self of impure thoughts

What more was there to do

For my heart had become laden

As it did not see the truth.

So I stopped listening.

Drawing a circle pure

I went along the inside

Until my breath was sure.

Oh how similar moments

Before this have been true

When other lovers left

And away their pledges threw

But my love today?

Say no! Not as the rest

He dreams to be a paladin

and his word I honor yet.

So what of these visions?

My lord and soul, I beseech you

Show me what to do.

Then, in waves, it hit me

And right again came through.

A test it said (the voice in my head)

You’re good at them now prove it

I swore I would with every breath

As I aimed myself to do it.

Every thought - I let go

Every feeling - I let go

Each reaction – I let go

The assumptions – I let go

Then mercy came, the saving grace

And this wolf became a lamb.

As I realized it was her thinking,

and it is the mystic I am.

10/24/99 The Precipice

– For Risa Cohen

So what then of sisterhood Risa?

Art thou not a woman?

Have thine eyes not seen our struggle?

Is it really worth the man?

And what of the promise

A man keeps for his woman?

Is it truly the disloyal you crave?

To want so bad the infidel,

can respect be salvaged for you?

Oh, yesss….

Tell me of an artist’s desire

and the ferver to create.

What then is your passion

when your only aspiration

is to have another’s muse?

Please – TAKE IT

As it means so much to you

That you willingly disrespect

A fellow female’s moral code (and honor…)

yet even more yourself in doing so.

But beware the contempt you

may suffer one day.

As it is in doing this,

a deeper self you betray.

I say, to you this, RISA –

Is it worth the penis?

Is it worth the kiss?

You may find yourself falling

far beyond this precipice.

10/26/99 Jamie, that is your real name. isn't it? I don't believe in sisterhood-but I do believe in humanity. Read the following carefully. Your haste makes waste-.

Once upon a time lived a Queen. She ruled her own land, by herself -with no king. This was her way. Solitude was her preference, it was where she found grace, peace, and dignity.

From out of the darkness he walked a Traveler. He declared to all that he was on a journey to seek fortune and fame. The Traveler soon came across the Queen, he seemed to be instantly stuck by the Queen's beauty and grace. He pursued the Queen with letters and visits to her royal chambers.

In no time the traveler made his intentions clear to the Queen; that he indeed wanted more than just friendship. The Queen was flattered and amused by the traveler, though she made it clear to him that she had no intention of making him her king. He accepted her declaration, yet continued to passionately pursue her.

As time went by, the Traveler and the Queen spent several long hours together in which they discussed many wonderful things. Sometimes the Traveler would tell the Queen of a Woman that he mingled with. The travel had a sort of strange arrangement with this woman. The Traveler spoke of how he was dissatisfied with this woman and disgusted by her perversities and the way in which she dishonored her own body and sex.

The Queen was very saddened by his tale. She had not yet been healed. She could sense that this woman had been wounded as a child. She hoped that the Traveler would soon tell the woman of his true feelings. She wanted any disception to be made crystal clear. Unfortunately, the Traveler was too week to confront the Woman.

The Woman soon discovered bits and pieces of the Traveler's lust for the Queen, but never the truth, only fragments. The woman unjustly accused the Queen of being dishonorable and disloyal. But the Queen had lied to no one, not a soul- nor did she do harm. The Queen did not desire the Traveler-only her own solutude and peace.

The Queen wrote the woman a letter in hopes of her forgiveness:

Dear Woman,

Out of the darkness he walked, your man.

It was he who chaste me with his

steadfast spirit - he charmed me.

He convinced me of his

good intentions and moral code-I believed him.

If you don't believe me

perhaps you should ask him.

Ask him who craved who-what you will discover

(that is if you take the time from

your hasty ways to dig deep enough) is that

it is he who craves me. I want nothing

of this sad game and carelessness.

All I wanted was a friendship.

The Queen

The End.

10/27/99 Forgiveness

am i to forgive you for being human?
as you are me?
or rather am i to accept you for being human?
as you do me?

as i look back on this episode in our relationship,
the one steadfast element that never waivered
was that we struggled through it together.
that is what is important to me.

i want us to move forward, as you do.
i want to be able to look back on this, together.
i want us to share our support, as it should be.
i want us to be friends, true friends.

i forgive you as i humbly ask the same in return.
i love you, jamie thomasina.

rob

11/19 Risa - I hope enough time has passed that this subject is no longer heated. Rob is not involved with this and has expressed to me that he does not want you to call him in response. So, i want you to understand that this is between you and me. If you feel the need to communicate further you can reach me here. A response to your letter and the explanation you have been looking for are posted on my site at www.theemuse.com. You will find it in the POETRY section under a heading called "PEARLS - Discourse with the Other Woman."

Good luck with your life
-thomasina
oh, and yes, i read your email and i think you described your 'receptivity' to Rob's kisses quite clearly.

11/20 There is nothing between you and me, only between you and yourself. Sorry, I have no interest in going to your websit. -What every you wish to say to me, just say it, be direct. - I am too tried to play games or whatever this is. I am moving on............. By the way, Jamime, I should warn you that it is very bad karma to read other peoples personal e-mails. Just a warning for your spirit.

11/21 There is karma in every action, dear lady. Still, it does not surprise me that you consider yourself judge as well as queen. 'Good' and 'bad' are subjective terms. What is just is. There is no yin without yang, there is no light without dark...

10/26/99 Risa- Actually, my real name is Thomasina. I think it's interesting you should ask for my forgiveness, when you proclaim to have done no wrong. I would also like to point out that HE is not MY man... he is his own man. I own no other and possess no one but my self. The following is a response to “The Queen”. I hope that one day, perhaps even today, you will recognize where i am truly coming from.

And so it is...

Dear Queen -

There was no question of clarity, nor was there any doubt of who was chasing whom... don't you see? I watched it all from the moment you met. To see what transpires - i am everywhere. To know the hearts of people as my own…this is my way. My sadness came as you began to give in. The poem was not meant to hurt you, dearest queen, but to make you stronger. As I am all, all is one.

Still, it is not me who is against you. Betrayal of another is truly a betrayal of the self. I did not want this for you, nor for us. The words you received were written for me, and given to you as a promise - not commit a similar crime. I know the guilt and shame from experience. There is no escaping karma, and so this was mine. From here we can stay on the path or choose to suffer the charge (falling from grace off the precipice).

I give to you now a global a message. May it be heard throughout your Queendom. May it be heard throughout the land. Though the sand may be hard to swallow, these are pearls of wisdom. As a bracelet now, I give them to you. Strung one to another. If you do not believe in sisterhood, believe in this: as they are tied, we are tied. Error lies in thinking we were ever separate. May they empower a Queen to be resistant of charms. May she begin calling suitors to merit her worth. (Not often does it become a Queen to beg for kisses from a fool!)

These, to you, are the pearls, my Queen. Wear them and be strong.

The Goddess

11/22 As the Queen carfully placed the pearls around her wrist, a tear fell from her eye, for it was at that moment she clearly understood the graceful song of the Goddess. Thank you.