THE INTERIM

Journaling the fall of '97

An extensive letter to my ghost...

by Thomasina Kundalini

3/96  HEAR ME
Are you listening?
Can you hear me?
My love is
Fire
My love is
Fire
Bring the Fever!

3/96
Dear Love,
You said you'd love to love me.
Said you'd never forget.
So when will you remember?
ONE WAY

EXOTICA 3/23/96
Do the poets and
the paupers
really stand a chance
in the realm of
Stardom?

I seek you
that self running
relentlessly
into the darkness.
I am light.
I am love.

7/30/97
So is it so bad that i should love you still? The struggle leaves me black and blue, to fight you. I've had the time to think it through. Aside from the pain, my heart still burns true.
Aching, yearning. Wanting the love we never had. Missing the love we never had. They'd laugh, they'd joke, to tell them my condition, so i don't, but i'm dying.

Dying to be with you. Dying to be near you. Wanting you to come just to see your face. Just to see it through...to let it all go that way, the way we were. [to let it all go in the arms of an angel, my angel- i love you.] The way it was. Never connected. Never finished. Never left completed, never left destroyed. Just been hangin here, in limbo, for years! To find my words back then were true when i said i'd never let go of you.

How silly i seem, to be fighting me.  The me of now. The me of then, yet being stronger than i've ever been its easy to make me weak again, the me i am, and tell myself i was dreaming when the me of then ever thought you'd come back again to love me...

To love me to love me.